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How to let go of the perfectionist and love your perfect imperfections

This beautiful song by John Legend resonates strongly within my heart.

His powerful words “love your perfect imperfections” are such a valuable concept that can be applied to your loved ones, and directly to the love for yourself and your ability to grow.

As I reflect on some wonderful comments from my previous post on practicing mindful habits, I notice an air of anxiety, generated from the overwhelming prospect of additional tasks in our already busy lives.

I get it. I’ve been there too. It was a time not too long ago when I would work hard to control my already hectic schedule, and face the daunting task of perfecting the activities to meet my high standard. There was little room for negotiation, no energy for variation, and as such, limited space for personal growth.

I was a perfectionist.

Since spending time on myself, and looking at ways I could be better, I noticed that perfectionism – rather than being an advantageous trait as I previously thought – was hampering my ability to become better.

To be perfect is to arrive at the final destination. There is no value in perfect, as there is no room for improvement. Improvement requires knowledge, knowledge requires learning, to learn is to grow, growing is living……

I would spend hours cleaning my car every week to ensure a perfect clean.

Meals were prepared according to recipes to ensure quality.

University studies were completed with many iterations and hours of formatting.

My gym routine remained unchanged until I reached the magic goal I had dreamed.

Perfectionism was carving a rut in my road to self improvement.

Over time, I developed an awareness of my ways, and worked on ways to become better. Here’s what I found out…..

How to overcome perfectionism and love your imperfections

Step 1. Recognise the habit

Perfectionism is a well ingrained habit, that’s all.

Maybe I was born with high standards, maybe I learnt from my parents, maybe it was my surroundings. In the end, it’s a way of being I adopted which suited my lifestyle at the time. Perfectionism is a habit which provided security and gave me purpose. That’s no longer the case.

The good news is, habits can be changed.

It takes approximately 30 days of continual practice to build new habits, which seems a long time. Don’t dwell on this. Time passes quickly. Focus on incremental improvements each and every day. Track your progress on a calendar if necessary, so you can see your improvement.

Stop, smell the roses, and recognise the habit of perfectionism as it arises.

Step 2. Breathe

Before doing anything else, just breathe.

Take time to stop and just be in the moment. Giving yourself space before going any further will only elevate your ability to decide and take action.

Step 3. Remind yourself there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’

It’s very easy to turn to others or consult a resource to determine if your future actions are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Truth is, that’s why we do it.

Labelling as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ is easy.

The greater truth lies in looking beyond these labels. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in life, only what makes you feel good, and not.

This will be heavily dependent on your values and beliefs of course, which is exactly why the decision or action you are about to undertake is an experience unique to you.

Remind yourself that you’re aiming for an outcome that works for you, not what society has labelled as ‘right’.

Step 4. Ask yourself if the effort is worth the reward

Before coming to a final decision, it’s valuable to consider your options in light of their effectiveness.

You can easily do ineffective tasks productively (check email, social media posting, watching television etc.), so be wary of decisions that lead to quick feelings of productivity. Instead, ask if the effort of the undertaking is paving way for a reward of equal or greater value. 

Align what you do with what you want to achieve.

Make it easier by choosing the path of least resistance to arrive more effectively.

Step 5. Commit to completion

Once you’ve figured out what to do, just get on with it!

Stop second-guessing your motives and speculating failure. Take your ideas and run with them in either of these two directions:

  1. Toward completion – finishing the task and moving forward to new challenges; or
  2. Straight for the eject button – if the idea doesn’t work or doesn’t make you feel good, just drop it. Stop wasting time dwelling on low-value tasks in favour of those that have a greater potential for your growth.

Remember, there is immense value in practicing the art of giving up. If an idea doesn’t work while you are attempting it, or is likely to cause disruption to your progress, commit to dropping it and move on. There’s progress to be made elsewhere.

Step 6. Congratulate yourself

You made it!

You’ve done the hard work, so now it’s time to positively reinforce yourself for breaking through perfectionism and getting important stuff done.

Reflect, socialise, exercise – whatever takes your fancy. Just be sure to devote time for recognition of the hard-fought battle against your perfectionist ways. You’ll get motivated to do even better next time.

When the going gets tough and you find you’re at a stand-still, embrace imperfections! Not everything needs to meet a high standard. In many cases, it’s more important to get things done and move on – learning, growing, and progressing toward your goals. If you’re stuck, you now have 6 simple steps to help you out:

  • Step 1. Recognise the habit
  • Step 2. Breathe
  • Step 3. Remind yourself there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’
  • Step 4. Ask is the effort worth the reward
  • Step 5. Commit to completion
  • Step 6. Congratulate yourself.

Go forth and conquer!

Have you ever struggled with perfectionism? How have you overcome it? Please share in the comments below 🙂

Thanks for reading my work.

Like it? Please share with your friends on social media. The more people I can inspire, the happier I’ll be.

Until next time…..

Yours in inspiration,

Jason

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No job, no home, and no plans. 3 life qualities needed to action a life changing decision

Personal Development, , , , ,

Success through the development of qualities

Never regret anything in life, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.

I’m back!

It’s been a big couple of weeks since I last wrote, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

I’ve just settled into a new (albeit temporary) home, living with my parents, in a small country town in Victoria, Australia. As I adjust to a new environment, MUCH colder temperatures, and a new “routine”, I am happy to say that my urge to write for all of you continues to burn hot and fierce.

So, what’ been happening?

To summarise: I quit my job, moved across the country, and met an amazing girl.

Let me elaborate.

July 18 was the final day at my desk job. It’s been a work in progress for over 2 years now, and I’m glad to say that I’m well into a transition – a transition to a happier, and a whole new me. I knew from the second year of my four year university degree, that my choice of occupation (Mechanical Engineering) was ‘not my cup of tea’. I’ve tried many avenues, and have decided that, for the moment, we are not a match meant to be.

Many people ask my “why?”, to which I respond “why not?”. Some people see my situation as a lost opportunity – leaving a stable, well paying career – whereas I see many, many opportunities to be gained. Besides, I have the safety net of a degree, so now it’s time to be adventurous, be daring, and begin my journey according to my own terms.

After 6 years searching with an outdated map, it’s time to go shopping….

I quit my job, packed my bags, shoved life into my tiny VW Polo, and headed south towards new opportunity, inspiring friends, and a foreign land to explore. I’ve been in my element – totally immersed and enjoying the sites, sounds, and simplicity of life on the road. As the powers that be would have it, I met an amazing girl along the way. Another exciting bend in the road awaiting the navigational prowess of this race-car driver! It’s been a blast!

Life inside a VW Polo

My life – it fits inside a VW Polo!

It’s not all been smooth sailing though. It’s been a tough mental battle to make it this far, as there are no shortage of people questioning my motives. The ensuing negative, damaging self-talk is therefore less than productive towards my overall desire to be free and search for my true calling.

In comes this post.

Fast forward to now. My previous journey has ended, and a new one has begun. It didn’t happen naturally. Oh no. It’s not like Santa came and just handed me money, freedom, and a gold plated chocolate egg to make me feel good. I attribute my recent actions to certain qualities that I’ve developed and have been nurturing over the past 2 years. It’s taken a lot of work, and I’m sure it’ll take lots of work for you too (should you decide to action a life-changing decision of your own).

That said, I believe the first step is awareness.

I’ve made some pretty radical changes, and I want to help you do it too. I was able to do it because I recognised the power of the following 3 qualities in myself and my surroundings. I’m confident that if you recognise them, you’ll be well on your way to some awesome life-changing adventure too.

Let’s begin.

3 qualities to action life-changing decisions

Want to implement some life-changing decisions for yourself? I recommend starting with the following 3 qualities. They’ll naturally progress as you grow, so it’s a great place to start planting your seeds.

1. The right support

I’ve talked about it many times before, and I’ll say it again.

You’ve gotta select the right people to support you!

Remember this quote?

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

~Jim Rohn

In no way is this more important than when it comes to fulfilling your dreams, desires, and goals of change.

If you’ve ever tried it, you’ll know what I mean when I say it’s hard to go at it alone. The world is a big, scary place when confronted as one.

As a wise proverb states, a problem shared is a problem halved.

If you’re stuck and don’t have any inspiration, make this your number one priority. Get out there, do what you love to do, and connect with like-minded people. Your spirit, enthusiasm, and progress towards your goals will accelerate beyond imagination!

2. You just gotta have faith

George Michael said it right. Sometimes, you’ve gotta have faith.

Some people believe in fate, some in coincidence, some in destiny. None are incorrect. All have their place in this world as they ‘work’ for different people.

Above all of these, I’m certain that to do better, you need to go further.

To succeed, you must learn to nurture the quality and the belief of faith in yourself.

Faith –  confidence or trust in a person, thing, deity, view, or in the doctrines or teachings of a religion. It can also be defined as belief that is not based on proof, and is often used as a synonym for hope, trust, or belief.~Wikipedia

You don’t need to believe in a ‘higher power’ for miracles to happen. There are miracles awaiting your discovery inside of you!

When times get tough and what you do seems silly, unrealistic, or impossible, these are the times to call on your quality of faith to inspire you. Remind yourself that all the ‘miracles’ of the past (think electricity, man landing on the moon, the invention of the modern computer for example) were created by people just like you. The thing is, they had mastered an important ability.

Successful people have a mastered ability to have faith in their actions, their judgement, and in what they stand for.

3. All talk and no action won’t get you far. Get motivated

There is never a result without decisive action!

I’m sure you’ll have seen it before. There’s no shortage of people that sit and complain about the state of ‘X’ or the annoyance of person ‘Y’, and that’s as far as they get…

Complain, foster resentment and anger, and complain even more.

Talk with no action is likely to lead to a cycle of doubt, a loss of faith, and the development of subsequent negative though patterns which, as I’ve discussed before in a previous post, are damaging to your ability to be better.

Sure I get it, action is scary.

What’s scarier though – Acting with the possibility of success, or stalling with a guarantee of failure?

It’s up to you. Take action, the rest will follow.

There you have it. It’s a snippet of how I arrived to writing this post, and what it took for my ship to sail this far. It’s a big, long winded journey, and one I am excited to be sailing under the power of my own sail.

Have you got an idea to change life and don’t know how to start? I suggest you start with these important qualities discussed in this post that will give you strength and guidance on your journey.

  1. Selection of the right support network,
  2. Faith in your abilities, and
  3. Action on your plans. 

I’ve found them most helpful on my journey, and I hope they prove helpful to you too.

 

 

Have faith, believe in yourself, and follow your heart – 3 ways to deal with change

Personal Development, , , , , ,

You’ve got an idea.

A dream, a passion, a goal; a desire to be something else.

Progress is being made, but there are some days where you find yourself chasing other, juicier carrots.

It’s you, the donkey, that must decide whether the carrot in your face or the carrot awaiting you during the course of your journey, is worthy of the crunch. Despite your hunger, you already know the answer……..

Is this you?

Are you getting distracted by the abundance of opportunity?

I am.

Or should I say, I was.

I’d like to share a musing today on change – the ups, the downs, the internal struggles, and the gratification once your mind becomes comfortable with the concept.

It can be difficult. You can ask anyone out there and you’ll no doubt get the same response.

Change is hard.

Those who come out on top will also tell you that change can be one of the most difficult obstacles that you face in life. That’s not all though.

Change is hard, and the rewards make it all worthwhile.

This post will introduce you to the concept of change. How it manifests, how you could (and could not) react, and how the simple act of faith and self belief can give energy to push forward against it’s seeming adversity. You can use the three simple coping methods to work towards your exciting changes knowing that if you feel disheartened, lost or misguided, you aren’t alone.

Have faith, believe in yourself, and follow your heart.

The process of change

Recognise – What’s that in the wind?

Change, that’s what.

Change is inevitable.

Change is always coming.

Whether you look forward to a change or dread it, change triggers powerful effects in your body and your emotions. For most people (myself included), we get comfortable in how things are and the ways we do things. Routine is predictable, reliable comfortable. Change goes against this.

Quite often, change = stress.

Fortunately, with the right thinking, you can increase your sense of control and steer your life into positive territory when you know how to deal with change.

Knee-jerk reaction – Undesirable ways you could combat change 

Change is on it’s way, and you know it.

Time to freak out!

Why is it happening? What can you do to stop it? What does it all mean? How are you going to work this into your life? What will so-and-so think?

The self talk can be overwhelming.

What’s the first thing to do once you realise change is coming?

Take action.

How?

  • The coping method – The act of simply giving in to change, letting it control you, and living as best you can, albeit powerless. As long as you are coping, just getting by, your have limited choices. Change is at the wheel. You are not in control. As such you could feel trapped, cocooned and isolated, and you could miss out on other opportunities as you spend energy just keeping up with the change.
  • Fight the change – Armed with ample amounts of anger and frustration, you could face change front-on in a full counter-attack! If you’ve ever tried this ‘path of maximum resistance’ you’ll know that this tactic can easily sap your strength. Since the fight is normally undertaken alone, you can also find yourself battling feelings of loneliness alongside the daunting pressure of the fight. Not nice.

Hold on, is this really the best thing to do?

I have learnt through experience that the answer is clearly no.

Fighting against change only creates further stress in life. After all, adding fuel to the fire never put it out, so it’s best not to spend excess energy on something that may be largely out of your control.

When it comes to considering acting against change, I find it’s best to do a self assessment of the situation and ask:Is the effort worth the reward?

Your answer will give guidance as to the path worth taking.

Diminishing hope – The ferocity of self doubt

Sometimes the true and desirable path doesn’t become known quickly.

It’s one thing to cope, and another to fight, but what about when you are struck with ‘paralysis through analysis’?

The longer you dwell on change, the more you doubt your ability to deal with it.

Your resistance to negativity falls, your courage takes a beating, and your hope faith falters.

Self doubt sets in.

This, in my experience, is most damaging to your progress. It is very easy to convince yourself that you are simply not good enough, not strong enough, not capable, to make change work for you.

And self doubt get’s worse over time.

To stop your self doubt manifesting itself into a force to be reckoned with, consider the following:

  • Treat change as a process – Dealing with change is not like an electric switch that is either on or off. There are many steps and components involved. It will take time.
  • Reframe the way you think about change – Choose to give positive meaning to change. Even if you’ve never tried it, you CAN thrive on change.
Breathe – Take time. Create space. Recharge your mental capacity and give yourself a break. Prepare to move with the changes, because they are going to happen. Don’t deny yourself the liberation that awaits.

3 ways I deal with change, and how you can too

Change needn’t be daunting. It needn’t be scary, and it doesn’t have to be hard.

When dealt with positively, change is what leads you onwards on your journey.

Change + positivity = opportunity.

Now that I’ve set you up with a relaxed, positive mindset, how can you now go about dealing with change?

1. Set smart goals

Goals are so important in determining a direction for your change. Don’t get caught up in the ‘big question’ goals though (like “what do I want to do with my life”), as these are poorly defined and are not useful in your quest.

Set smart goals.

Use incremental steps so you can consciously and effortlessly guide the change. Use the concept of ‘chunking’ – break things into manageable steps. If your goal is to run 10km, start by completing smaller 3km efforts. Do 3 of these, and you have suddenly reached the 10km goal!

Write out your goals and your plans to meet them. Remember, these are ideas that are totally changeable. Goals are as fluid as you are, so don’t stress about commitment if it bothers you.

Just start, and let momentum build.

2. Adopt and attitude of positivity, anticipation, and gratitude

Welcome change as an opportunity, not something to fuel negativity.

Negative thoughts block your creativity and problem-solving abilities. Positive thoughts build bridges to possibilities and opportunities.

Find the benefit in the change.

There is always a benefit and opportunity to be found, if you look in the right places.

Practice mindfulness, adopt awareness, be grateful.

These are useful tools that will help you develop a deeper understanding of what you really want to achieve

3. Communicate with supportive people

Talking with people helps, a lot.

Sometimes it’s simply too much to do alone. Finding a support network to assist you with your task can help you deal with the stress of change.

Be selective with your audience. 

In your time of transition and hardship, It’s easy to be persuaded by anothers’ point of view. Make sure that the company you turn to has your interests at heart, and who understands the true meaning of the change you face.

Having someone give false support based on a lacking knowledge of your situation will only add confusion.

You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with.

Choose your company wisely.

Make sure they’re the type that encourage positive growth for you.

Change. It’s a sometimes difficult necessity to personal growth.

The good news is, change is only as difficult as you make it.

I hope my three ways to deal with change, smart goals, attitude, and support, provide you with some useful guidance to combat any current and future change in your life.

As I go through my upcoming changes, I will certainly reflect on this post. I hope you do too. Good luck with your endeavours, I know you will do well.

Remember, nothing is as bad, hard, painful, scary as it seems.

Have faith, believe in yourself, and follow your heart.

I appreciate you taking time to read my work. If you like it, please share it with your friends on social media using the buttons below.

The more people I can help, the happier I’ll be.

Yours in inspiration,

Jason

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